I live near a river now. I walk along it, take pictures, and give myself room to think. Naturally, when I started talking about refusing to jump into somebody else’s river of negativity, I realized I had the makings of a T-shirt.
Not my river, not today.
That pretty much sums up where I’m trying to go with my life. And yes, I said trying. Some days I’m better at talking about boundaries than practicing them. I’m working on it.
Goodbye, Nancy
I have a phrase for those conversations that turn into an endless stream of complaints: “Goodbye, Nancy.” If your name is actually Nancy, please accept my condolences for getting dragged into this.
You know the kind of conversation I mean. You offer a possible solution, and there’s a reason it won’t work. You ask a question, and somehow that becomes another argument. Eventually, I have to ask myself what I’m doing there.
I can listen. I can care. I also get to decide when I’ve had enough.
There’s a difference between someone having a rough day and a conversation that keeps pulling me into the same fight. I need room to vent myself. Sometimes saying something out loud helps me figure out what I actually think. I want to give other people that room, too. But I don’t owe an argument my entire afternoon.
A feeling gives me a question
I consider myself empathic and intuitive. When something feels off, I pay attention. Then I ask questions. A feeling gives me a question; it doesn’t give me proof.
A woman who taught me tarot encouraged me to hold off on judging so quickly and keep a broader perspective. I still work at that. Once I’ve decided I know everything about somebody, it gets awfully easy to stop listening.
That applies to politics, product claims, and my own assumptions. Being independent doesn’t make me immune to being wrong. If I make a claim and find out I got it wrong, I need to own it and correct it. My pride will survive.
How I roll
That phone in my pocket? I’m using it to ask questions, check claims, take pictures, and build something with FindMeRaw. There’s plenty I’m still learning how to do with it.
I can also put it down. I don’t have to answer every comment or turn every disagreement into a research assignment. Sometimes the useful question is simply, “Is this conversation going anywhere?”
If it is, I’ll listen. If we’re just taking another lap around the same argument, I can say, “I’ve said what I think. I’m going to leave it there.” No grand exit speech required.
A chair on the riverbank
That’s where Rainbow Man comes in: sitting beside the water with a coffee, looking perfectly comfortable letting the river carry on without him.
The design grew out of a real conversation about how I want to spend my time. I’m rebuilding a life at 55. I’ve got books to work on, pictures to take, and walks I enjoy. I want more time for those things.
And I want FindMeRaw to sound like me, including the occasional tangent and the admission that I don’t always follow my own advice on the first attempt.
For today, I’m keeping the phrase handy: Not my river, not today.
Coffee in hand. Staying on shore.
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