Findmeraw

One warm morning at the beginning of summer, I decided I wasn’t going to call an Uber. I was going to enjoy the walk.

I walked three miles.

After what the previous two years had been like, that meant something. I’d had two bad bouts of COVID, and for a long time afterward, it hurt to breathe. Before all of that, I’d been a marathon runner and a gym rat. Being active was a familiar part of my life.

That morning, I could enjoy walking again. I wasn’t caught up in how far I had to go. I was out there, doing it.

Tonight reminded me of that morning. I was walking home, talking with ChatGPT, and trying to explain what it means to feel alive again.

I’ve recovered the use of my right arm after my stroke. I can talk again. I can work again. Those things are my everything.

I’m still finding words for what changed inside me. Some of it comes out when I talk. I’ll start with an ordinary detail, like the price of a ride home, and somewhere in the conversation I realize I’m talking about something much bigger.

That’s why I called this FindMeRaw. When I was sick, I was as real as you could get. And vulnerable.

I want that honesty in my writing. I want to be able to say: I experienced this. This is what happened. This is how I’m finding my way forward.

I’ve learned a great deal through pain. I’ve also had enough of pain being my teacher. I want room for the things I’m enjoying now, including working on a book and walking on a beautiful night.

I can’t tell you from one good walk exactly what changed medically. What I can tell you is what I noticed: breathing didn’t hurt, and I was enjoying those three miles.

That belongs here, too. An ordinary warm morning. The decision to walk. The pleasure of being able to do it.