Today, Getting Out the Door Was Enough

Today I felt down, and I couldn’t put my finger on why.

There are good things happening. My first book is up on Amazon, and I’m working on the next ones. I want to celebrate that. I also wish I had more people to share it with. Both things are true.

So I went for a walk.

Over the years, my therapists have reminded me to get outside and move. Today, I remembered that advice and got out the door.

After two rounds of COVID, my lungs were affected. I couldn’t run or work out in the weight room the way I used to. As I write Starting Over at 55, I’m also working toward running again. For now, walking is part of that process.

Getting out for thirty minutes helps me. Sometimes I want my favorite music. Sometimes an audiobook. Today, I took pictures and talked through a chapter of my own book.

We were working on chapter four, “Walking Away from Harm.” There I was, discussing what it means to protect yourself and rebuild your life while doing something small to care for myself.

And somewhere along the walk, I noticed I felt better.

I have lived with depression and PTSD. A better afternoon doesn’t erase that history. I still want to reconnect with my therapist and have someone I trust check in on how I’m doing.

But I want to remember today, too: I felt low, got outside, found things worth photographing, and worked on something that matters to me.

Being around cigarette smoke really bothered my sense of smell. Since moving away from a home where someone smoked, I’ve noticed I can smell more again. It’s one more thing I’m appreciating when I get outside and walk downtown.

I still want to run again. I still want people beside me to celebrate with.

Today, I walked—and came home with more to write.